GETTING PAST THE PAST/CONTENDING WITH THE PRESENT

As a counselor one of the most difficult issues among the myriad of clients with whom I have interacted has been that of Getting past the Past and Contending with the Present.

You can imagine that among the thousands of men, women, boys and girls I have counseled have included some rather traumatized people. I have only to pause and reflect a moment and their stories come flooding back to me.

A young woman pregnant out of wedlock and with AIDS, whose boyfriend had deserted her, and considering abortion.

A man whose daughter was killed in an automobile accident in which he was the driver of the vehicle.

A middle-aged lady who, as a teenager, was sexually abused by her father on a routine basis, and as a young adult shot and killed him; when he attempted to renew ‘the relationship.'

A husband in the midst of a new marriage, and whose ex-wife was involved in a pattern of negative words and behaviors intended to destroy everything near and dear to him.

And the foregoing is only “the tip of the iceberg.”

One of my interns recently asked me, 

“How do we get past the past when past tense people continue to raise their figurative (and sometimes literal) heads in the present?"

I admit it. There just aren’t any pat answers. And what works for one person may not work for another.

However, in my two and a half decades as a pastoral counselor you might imagine I have some guidance to offer on this topic.

Pt. 2

1.    Attempt to determine the repetitive present tense actions of which you are guilty of participating and which contribute to “stuckness.” (The state of being stuck).

2.    Attempt to determine positive actions which you may substitute for the foregoing negative behavior patterns.

3.    Adopt new and healthier mindsets. Renounce old mindsets and behaviors.

4.    Refuse to “give as good as you get.”

5.    Live in a state of forgiveness. Recognize that forgiveness is less about feelings and more about words and actions.

6.    Refuse the spirit of bitterness.

7.    Recognize that unforgiveness only hurts you.

8.    Practice “thought stopping.” When you recognize you are going down “the same old rabbit trail,” change the mental channel, and get involved in activities designed to more positively occupy your time.

     William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 52. Copyright pending

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