THE BIRDS & THE BEES

I have previously written about the topic in my autobiography. 

“The Birds & the Bees”

I was in the 4^th grade, and a somewhat precocious young man who apparently thought he ‘had the world by the tail.’ I would sit in Mrs. Waters’ class, and do my best to ‘be a pill’ (though without calling undue attention to myself).

The year was 1959, and at that time of the century we still had inkwells cut into our desks, and we used refillable ink pens. And I recall secretly dipping the end of little Janie’s or Suzie’s blonde pigtails into that purple ink, and allowing her to go about her business, ‘til someone called attention to her two-tone hairdo. (I must have possessed a fascination with color since I also enjoyed melting crayons against the steam radiator, as it heated our January classroom).

Jean and I first met one another in that particular classroom. (It occurs to me that I would not have bothered dipping her hair into my inkwell since she possessed the darkest tresses imaginable). At any rate, this young lass and I were talking one day at recess, and (somehow) the topic of the so-called ‘Birds & the Bees’ arose to the fore. It was during this conversation that Jean mused, “You know women are responsible for making all the babies in the whole world.” 

Speaking of ‘precocious,’ at this juncture I could not help but add to her knowledge of the known universe, and I quickly added, “Yes, but not without men they don’t!” I have often reflected on that day, and wondered how such carnal knowledge arose in the mind of a ten year old boy. I don’t recall learning it from the kids in the neighborhood, nor having seen any R-rated scribblings in the boy’s bathroom. But I knew. Somehow, I just knew.

A couple years later, (it was the decade of the 60’s and the advent of the Vietnam War) my dad took me aside, and said, “Son, I think it’s time you and I had a little talk. Some people refer to it as ‘the Birds & the Bees.’ You know… where babies come from. I know you’ve heard that people find them in the cabbage patch, but that just ain’t so.”

Well, I looked up at my dad, and offered him a mischievous grin, and responded with, “Oh daddy, I know all that stuff!” I recall he looked a bit surprised, but humored me with, “Okay son, if you say so. I’ll take your word for it.” 

Well now, almost sixty years have come and gone since that day, and I cannot rightly say how much I knew at the time. I only knew I didn’t care to have that kind of conversation with my dad. And thus, the moment came and went, and ‘the little talk’ never occurred. (I have wondered if he felt somehow deprived at having been denied what he construed as his fatherly duty).

But that girl, that girl named ‘Jean’ who, at the time, learned all she knew (and perhaps all I knew) about the Birds & the Bees? 

Well, my dear readers,

…I married her.

As a notable figure of our time has been known to say, "That's all I have to say about that!" (Forrest Gump)

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 51. Copyright pending

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