GETTING PAST THE PAST/CONTENDING WITH THE PRESENT

As a counselor one of the most difficult issues among the myriad of clients with whom I have interacted has been that of Getting past the Past and Contending with the Present.

You can imagine that among the thousands of men, women, boys and girls I have counseled have included some rather traumatized people. I have only to pause and reflect a moment and their stories come flooding back to me.

A young woman pregnant out of wedlock and with AIDS, whose boyfriend had deserted her, and considering abortion.

A man whose daughter was killed in an automobile accident in which he was the driver of the vehicle.

A middle-aged lady who, as a teenager, was sexually abused by her father on a routine basis, and as a young adult shot and killed him; when he attempted to renew ‘the relationship.'

A husband in the midst of a new marriage, and whose ex-wife was involved in a pattern of negative words and behaviors intended to destroy everything near and dear to him.

And the foregoing is only “the tip of the iceberg.”

One of my interns recently asked me, 

“How do we get past the past when past tense people continue to raise their figurative (and sometimes literal) heads in the present?"

I admit it. There just aren’t any pat answers. And what works for one person may not work for another.

However, in my two and a half decades as a pastoral counselor you might imagine I have some guidance to offer on this topic.

Pt. 2

1.    Attempt to determine the repetitive present tense actions of which you are guilty of participating and which contribute to “stuckness.” (The state of being stuck).

2.    Attempt to determine positive actions which you may substitute for the foregoing negative behavior patterns.

3.    Adopt new and healthier mindsets. Renounce old mindsets and behaviors.

4.    Refuse to “give as good as you get.”

5.    Live in a state of forgiveness. Recognize that forgiveness is less about feelings and more about words and actions.

6.    Refuse the spirit of bitterness.

7.    Recognize that unforgiveness only hurts you.

8.    Practice “thought stopping.” When you recognize you are going down “the same old rabbit trail,” change the mental channel, and get involved in activities designed to more positively occupy your time.

     William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 52. Copyright pending

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If you would like to see the titles and access hundreds of my blogs from 2015 and 2016, do the following:  

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KISSIN' COUSINS

Jean was a fellow member of Mrs. Waters’ (1959) 4th grade class. And while I don’t recall forming a close attachment at the time, I did invite her to my 10th birthday party, and remember the mile walk from the school to my “project style” house located at 670 Formosa Avenue.

Time wound its proverbial way under the bridge, we attended primary and secondary school together, graduated from the same high school, and dated one another during our first year of community college. As providence would have it, however, we both chose, (or were chosen by) someone else, married, and another decade passed.

And oddly enough, life threw us back together when, (independently of one another) we both divorced in the summer of 1980. We have surmised that since, by this time, we had known one another for a full twenty years, neither of us saw any great wisdom in procrastination. 

And, my readers, as you might well have guessed,

… we were married.

Another three and a half decades passed, and as I was sitting in my living room, and Jean was seated at the dining room table, just behind a half wall, she queried,

“Aren’t you related to the Dowling’s?”

To which I responded,

“Well, yes,… why, why do you ask?”

(Another question followed the first).

“Are you related to Jabez and Rebecca Dowling?”

(My curiosity was peaked now).

“Yes. They were my 4th great grandparents.”

(A long pause).

“Uh, well, they were also my … 4th great grandparents!”

(Can anybody say, “kissin' cousins")?

By this time, my wife and I had known one another for well over half a century, and we were just now finding out we are 5th cousins.

A few additional months, and Jean and I were watching a movie on television, (or discussing the weather, or just “one thing or the other”) and, for no apparent reason, I glanced down at my wife’s left, inner wrist, and noticed 

… something very familiar to me.

For about two inches below where wrist and hand meet, 

… was a small blood blister.

Now, obviously there is nothing especially strange and wonderful about a blood blister, except yours truly sports a
… duplicate blood blister on my same wrist, and in the exact same spot!

And we have half-jokingly referred to it as, “The Dowling Blood Blister.”

(The jury is “still out,” but remind me to check out the wrists of a few more of our relatives sometime).

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 52. Copyright pending

If you wish to share, copy or save, please include this credit line.

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If you would like to see the titles and access hundreds of my blogs from 2015 and 2016, do the following:  

Click on 2015 in the index to the right of this blog. When my December 31st blog, "The Shot Must Choose You" appears, click on the title. All my 2015 blog titles will come up in the right margin

Click on 2016 in the index to the right of this blog. When my December 31st blog, "Children of a Lesser God" appears, click on the title. All my 2016 blog titles will come up in the right margin

THE RICHEST PIECE OF GROUND ON EARTH (a.k.a. Viola Davis at the Oscars). Pt. 1

Several years ago I transcribed one of the most insightful stories which I’d ever heard.

The title of the story was, “The Richest Piece of Ground on Earth.”

If I were to ask you to name the richest piece of ground on earth you might say, “the goldmines of South Africa” or “the rain forests of South America” or perhaps “the oil wells of Saudi Arabia” but if you were to guess one of these locations, you would be… absolutely wrong. For you see, the richest piece of ground on earth is your… local cemetery.

And the reason for this seeming paradox? 

Lying dormant in the bosoms of thousands of the dearly departed are unfulfilled dreams. A miracle medication which might have cured Alzheimer’s Disease. An invention which might have caused trees and flowers to bloom on the Sahara. A missionary endeavor that would have brought millions of unbelievers to a saving knowledge of the Gospel. Dreams which might have changed the world. But these dreams will remain unrealized for a million million years.

Interestingly enough, last night as I was watching the 2017 Academy Awards Ceremony one of my favorite actresses won the ‘Oscar’ for the movie, “Fences.” As Viola Davis stepped up on the stage she began to share the most familiar words.

“You know there’s one place where all of the people with the greatest potential are gathered. And that’s the… graveyard.”

As I reflect on my earlier story, and compare Viola’s words I can only surmise, 

“Close, but not the same.”

For you see, while the local cemetery might well be thought of as “the richest piece of ground on earth,” for the myriad of dreams which were never realized, in spite of Ms. Davis’ assurance the dearly departed who lie within it have absolutely no remaining potential to do anything at all.

(to be continued)

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 52. Copyright pending

If you wish to share, copy or save, please include this credit line.

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If you would like to see the titles and access hundreds of my blogs from 2015 and 2016, do the following:  

Click on 2015 in the index to the right of this blog. When my December 31st blog, "The Shot Must Choose You" appears, click on the title. All my 2015 blog titles will come up in the right margin

Click on 2016 in the index to the right of this blog. When my December 31st blog, "Children of a Lesser God" appears, click on the title. All my 2016 blog titles will come up in the right margin

THE RICHEST PIECE OF GROUND ON EARTH. PT. 2

I have often reflected on one particular scene in the movie, “Dead Poet’s Society;” (a good movie and an extraordinary scene).

“Mr. Keating,” a teacher at a private boy’s school, (who seems to have a knack for offering his students insightful tidbits, while using everyday objects and themes) leads his boys down the stairs from the classroom, and into the lobby of the institution.

The young professor walks towards a couple of trophy cases, and instructs his pupils to gather about him.

“Now I would like you to step forward over here and peruse some of the faces from the past. You've walked past them many times. I don't think you've really looked at them. They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you. Their eyes are full of hope, just like you.”

Mr. Keating’s boys are “all ears” by this point in his monologue. They know something of some value is coming.

And with the assurance of someone wiser than his years, the teacher continues.

“Did these young men in the photographs wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen closely, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen. Do you hear it? (whispering in a gruff voice) Carpe. Hear it? (whispering) 

Carpe. Carpe Diem. 

…Seize the day boys. Make your lives extraordinary.”

And I think we have the privilege, opportunity and obligation to do this.

…To make our own lives extraordinary.

To discover the best within us. To find out that one thing which separates us from the rest. To develop that talent, that gift, that interest, which almost begs for a forum, to a razor’s edge. To, as Mr. Keating admonishes us, make our lives extraordinary. And I think we have the innate wherewithal to do this. (Though I think too few tend to do so).

(to be continued)

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 52. Copyright pending

If you wish to share, copy or save, please include this credit line.

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If you would like to see the titles and access hundreds of my blogs from 2015 and 2016, do the following:  

Click on 2015 in the index to the right of this blog. When my December 31st blog, "The Shot Must Choose You" appears, click on the title. All my 2015 blog titles will come up in the right margin

Click on 2016 in the index to the right of this blog. When my December 31st blog, "Children of a Lesser God" appears, click on the title. All my 2016 blog titles will come up in the right margin