THAT BALD-HEADED OLD SUB

I substituted in the county school system for about fifteen years, and though it has been a decade since I taught, I will never forget one experience, in particular.

I happened to be “subbing” at my alma mater, Bartow Sr. High School. (I preferred the original name, “Summerlin Institute” but that went by the wayside almost 50 years ago).

At any rate, as I sat at the teacher’s desk, just prior to the tardy bell, I heard a couple of boys talking outside the classroom door.

“Hey Jim, look at what I see at Mrs. Brown’s desk. It’s a bald-headed old Sub!”

The other boy responded in some way, shape or form which wasn’t all that complementary, and then they walked in and took their seats.

Well, as you might imagine, I wasn’t all that impressed with the boys’ lack of courtesy towards a 50+ year old man, but, at this juncture, I didn’t say anything, and began to conduct the lesson.

Ultimately, the clock indicated that the class period was nearing its end, and I decided to provide the boys an insightful lesson about the wherewithal of a bald-headed old sub.

“Hey fellas, (and I looked in the direction of the two young men). I heard what you were saying about me before you walked in the door.”

(and)

“So, you think I’m just any average bald-headed old sub, huh? Well, you might be justified in thinking that. But, I, for one, am not just any bald-headed old sub. (No, I’m not)!”

And with this, I proceeded to drop down on all fours (right there in front of God and everybody), and “knocked out” five or six one-handed pushups.

You could have heard a pin drop. And then, it seemed the entire class let out an involuntary, “Whoa!”

Of course, the two boys who originally leveled the slanderous remark against me refused to be outdone, and marched themselves straight up to the front of the classroom, and, without so much as a word, dropped down and attempted to do what they had just seen me do.

The two boys had no sooner bent their arms… than they fell on their proverbial (and literal) faces!

Of course, their class members showered the boys with laughter.

I bet they never slander a bald-headed old sub again! (At least not this bald-headed old sub).

by William McDonald, PhD. Copyright Pending

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