DISAPPOINTED & DISILLUSIONED

People will let you down, and people will let you down a lot. Even some people whom you would never expect would let you down will let you down. Acquaintances will let you down. Valued friends will let you down. Family members will let you down.

This, then, is “the rub.”

*People with whom you establish a close, valued relationship, and who, for no apparent reason, simply “step away.”

*People from whom you request a small favor, for whom you have previously done the same, but who “can’t see their way clear” to do the favor, or claim they will, but never do.

*People to whom you send a birthday or Christmas gift, but who never acknowledge having received the same.

*People who, unexplainably, invent stories which slander your good name.

*People who agree to participate in a project near and dear to you, but who never expend the kind of effort which you expend on the same.

*People whom you have forgiven for an infraction, failure or oversight, but who under similar circumstances refuse to forgive you.

As a man who loves people, who enjoys serving people, who is the most structured person I know, and who, when I give my word, I keep my word, it can be both disappointing and disillusioning when other people don’t do exactly the same thing, as I would do under the same circumstances. It can be equally disappointing and disillusioning when people do those things you don’t expect them to do, or fail to do those things which you expect them to do.

Such behavior makes it extremely difficult to continue to be vulnerable with these or other people in your life; when everything within you cries out for justice, and leads you to withdraw.

Pt. 2

I love the movie, “A River Runs Through It,” and still watch it from time to time.

Near the end of the movie one of the main characters, a minister, steps to his pulpit, and shares the following words.

“Each one of us here today will,

at one time in our lives...

look upon a loved one who is in need

and ask the same question.

‘We are willing to help, Lord...

but what, if anything, is needed?’

“It is true we can seldom help

those closest to us.

Either we don't know what part

of ourselves to give...

or more often than not,

the part we have to give...

is not wanted.

And so it is those we live with

and should know who elude us...

But we can still love them.

We can love completely...

without complete understanding.”

And while the foregoing words don’t necessarily speak to each and every scenario which I previously described, and how we should address such discrepancies, at least they speak to the attitude we should exhibit when we are hurt, slandered or cast off by people who should love us,… and who should know better.

Pt. 3

Following is a story I recounted several years ago, and a metaphor which I drew from it, and which I believe represents sound guidance for those of us who have been disappointed and disillusioned by acquaintances, friends and relatives.

Long before “911,” a very similar occurrence happened in the same city, but whereas the second circumstance was vengeful and purposeful, the original was nothing less than an accident.

For during WWII, an Army Air Corps pilot was flying over Manhattan in a dense fog. He was hopelessly lost, and his aircraft was far too low. Suddenly, The Empire State Building loomed ahead, and the unfortunate pilot crashed his large warplane into an upper floor of the building. Of course, he and his co-pilot died instantly, and several other office workers were also victims of the disaster.

And then there was the elevator operator. As she had for so many years before, she was going about her normal duties when the airplane smashed into the building. The cables to the elevator snapped, and the machine plummeted to the basement, dozens of floors below.

Thankfully, the elevator was equipped with an automatic braking system. As it fell to ground level, it began to slow down, but since it had already reached such a high speed, the braking system was just not enough to prevent the elevator operator from sustaining severe injuries.

“Marjorie” sustained several broken bones, and internal injuries, and I cannot speak to whether her injuries healed sufficiently for her to resume a normal, functional life, but… she lived.

I believe this story has something to teach us, beyond simply avoiding riding elevators in tall buildings. (No, I’m not serious.) I have climbed the stairs which lead to the top of The Washington Monument, as well as those leading to the crown of The Statue of Liberty, and I can affirm that an elevator is faster, and requires so much less effort. As a matter of fact, I have ridden an elevator to the 86^th floor of The Empire State Building, on my senior trip in the late 60’s; the same building which experienced the foregoing tragedy a quarter of a century prior to my own visit.

Sometimes we invest too much faith, too much trust, too great an expectation in those with whom we have to do, and sometimes, as a result, we get hurt. People let us down. We set our proverbial elevator too high, and we find ourselves plummeting to the basement, below. I think we would do ourselves a favor if we set our expectations of another person at lower level, so that if they disappoint us, we don’t find ourselves emotionally devastated. And if that person, or persons exceed our expectations, well, we can rejoice, and can be glad for it.

That almost forgotten event from such a long time ago has a valuable lesson to teach us; one which is difficult to learn, and one which some people never learn, but which has everything to do with our health and happiness. 

By William McDonald, PhD. Copyright Pending

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