THE FAILURE OF A FATHER. Pts. 1-2

There’s a poignant scene in the New Testament which describes the moment when a significant number of Christ’ outer circle abandoned Him. And I have always felt this particular story depicts the human side of Jesus more so than any other passage of scripture.

Upon learning of these defections, the Savior cast mournful eyes on His twelve disciples, and asks,

“Will you also go away?”

I was listening to my favorite radio broadcast this morning. “Night Sounds” with the late Bill Pearce. The topic of the day was, “The Healing of Emotions.” Half-way through the half-hour broadcast Bill offered a confession and shared a story which I’d never heard him tell before.

“I once experienced something very hurtful in my own family. You see, a few years ago my oldest son informed me that,

‘You are no longer my father. You are dead to me and I to you. Any connection we ever had has died. I no longer wish to know you, speak to you, or remember you.’”

I was flabbergasted. Among hundreds of these broadcasts to which I’d listened, I had never heard this story. As a result, I contacted Jean Brown, the only employee of “Night Sounds” radio, and asked her whether Bill and his son ever found a way to reconcile their estrangement.

Though Mr. Pearce developed Parkinson’s Disease in his latter years, and was admitted to a nursing home, and ultimately passed away, the (by this time) middle-aged man never contacted his father again. And sadly enough, Jean went on to inform me that he died a couple years after his father’s passing.

So inestimably sad. So inestimably unacceptable. And yet it happens more often than anyone might imagine.

Interestingly enough, as Bill recited his story he neither prosecuted nor defended his son’s words and actions, and readily absorbed any blame which might have been his, (though he seemed admittedly perplexed). We have no context for the estrangement of this particular father and son and I would not be so bold as to assign fault to either; given our lack of understanding of the situation.

Before the broadcast concluded, the talented radio host, (for he is a wonderful baritone soloist and trombonist) offered a wonderful prayer of release written by a young man who had once been bound by a spirit of bitterness against his own father; as the result of what he endured as a child, or his perception of it.

**While it was impossible, given the length of the prayer, to transcribe the exact text of it from an audio, I have written a paraphrase, and have included it here.

Pt. 2

“I forgive you dad for never having made the decision to love or cherish me. I forgive you for your inability to speak the kind of words and take the kind of actions which would have nurtured our relationship, rather than bringing it to naught.

I have endured your failed attempts to be a husband to my mother and father to your children. I acknowledge your selfish agenda and your ongoing willingness to neglect your fatherly responsibilities; in favor of narcissism and doing what comes first and what comes easy.

I name your words and behavior for the evil that they are, and have always been, and which you have perpetrated upon your children, and I associate your choices with dysfunction and irresponsibility.

I regret you could not affirm my life, nor nurture or feed into it, but that you have consistently taken the easy road, and have purposely violated the safety and security of your sons and daughters.

You have been unable to see past your perverted pride, and have heaped wealth and notoriety upon yourself; to the detriment of the relationship we might have enjoyed.

I forgive you for not ‘becoming.’ I accept you for what you have chosen to be. I refuse to strive uselessly for your acceptance, nor will I insist that you love me, and take pride in my accomplishments.

Now that I can truly forgive you, I take back the power I initially gave you to wound me. I transcend that power by the Spirit and in the name of the One who sacrificed Himself for my sins.

I have arrived at a season in my life in which I can now bless you; expecting nothing in return. I turn back any attempt to scapegoat me, or my siblings, or my mother, and recognize your empty blame for what it’s worth. You have borne the guilt. We have borne the shame. That pattern has been irrevocably broken in my life.

While this kind of love is sterner (and more splendid) than any love you have ever realized, or attempted to share with me, I recognize both its source and benefit. This is the kind of love which has the power to loose you from yourself, and I pray that one day you will seize the opportunity to swim in its waters.

I thank God that He has helped me to forgive the unforgiveable. I praise Him for His power to heal the broken memories which I have too often experienced. I will no longer strive, I will no longer struggle. I am an overcomer and commit to loving the unlovely about you, dear father, and hope one day to lead you into the kind of freedom which has been so graciously granted to me.”

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 54. Copyright pending

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