“In the world you will experience tribulation. But be of
good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Whether
saint or sinner, we have all experienced trouble, trial and turmoil during the
course of our lives. Sadly, sometimes we bring it on ourselves, or, at the very
least, we participate in the scenario by not distancing ourselves from the offender,
or environment in which it is occurring.
As
a counselor, I often give the hypothetical instance of a woman who walks down a
sidewalk, and falls into a manhole. Of course, this would be classified as an
accident…the first time around. However, if that same woman walks down the same
sidewalk the next thirty days, and falls into the same manhole thirty more
times, it would no longer be considered as an accident.
Some
people seem to have a great deal of trouble learning from their mistakes.
(Yeah, they do). They are “behaved upon” again and again, and in so many words
seem to say, “Man, this is fun stuff. Please kick me again!”
An
abused wife who allows herself to be her husband’s punching bag. A young man
who is continually demeaned by his domineering father. A woman who is purposely
and routinely embarrassed in public by a close friend. A mother who gives and
gives to her adult children ‘til it hurts; and they come back for more. (Not
unlike the woman and the manhole).
In
the movie, “Rocky” the Sylvester Stallone character walks into an employment
office, and in his best Philly voice says,
“Yo
man. I’m Rocky Balboa, and I really need a job.”
Pt.
2
The
employment counselor looks up from his desk, and responds.
“Well,
hello Mr. Balboa.”
And
after quickly thumbing through Rocky’s resume, Mr. Toole exclaims,
“Rocky.
May I call you Rocky? I see here you have an 8th grade education,
and a pretty sparse work history. I could only offer you menial work.”
(and)
“I
have watched you on television, and you are pretty good at the fight game. Why
don’t you just stay in the ring?”
Rocky
grins and exclaims,
“Uh.
Well ah, after a while it stings a little!”
Which
leads me to say, when we allow anyone, friend, relative, acquaintance or
stranger, to verbally, emotionally or physically abuse us on a consistent,
recurring basis… it stings a little.
As
a counselor I have met men and women who have been “acted upon” by one or more
people, and have seemingly just sat back and allowed it to happen. There is a
time and place to say, “Enough is enough” and to separate ourselves from people
who verbally, emotionally or physically abuse us, or otherwise take advantage of
us.
I
have often challenged my clients that the only way to do this is “on purpose.”
If we wait ‘til we feel like it we may be 103. This is not to say that alienation
is forever, but it is often necessary to leverage the person or environment in
which abuse or overt dependency is occurring.
In
essence someone, like the fella in the movie, “Network,” who summons up the
wherewithal to say, “I’m mad as h_ _ _, and I won’t it anymore,” takes their
life back, and acts upon the person who has been acting upon them.
by William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from (Mc)Donald's Daily Diary. Vol. 90. Copyright pending
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