THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT

Almost every morning, (to be fair, well before the sun breaks on the horizon) I walk the highways and byways of my little central Florida community. Last night was no different. (To be fair, it began the same, but ended very differently).

I had walked about half a mile along the sidewalk which borders a local four lane divided highway, when making a u-turn I began walking back the way I came, except on the other side of the road. Having walked about a hundred yards in the opposite direction, I saw it. Well, I saw him.

And while it is “as dark as smut” at this time of the a.m., I seem to have developed a knack for seeing things “which shouldn’t be there.” The man was easily seventy or eighty feet distant, but his figure prevented me from seeing the usual features, such as shrubs and signs, which I knew lay behind him. And now I noticed a beam of light play along the sidewalk, and I heard the sound of rap on a radio.

Dear readers, I don’t mind telling you that I have this unwritten policy. I simply will not walk past another person on the sidewalk during the wee hours of the morning. Granted, there have been a couple of times when I darn near broke that policy in half, but it was unintentional, and the given individual appeared before I had the opportunity to see him, or her.

A couple of years ago I passed a rather innocuous looking old fella, and he suddenly spoke. “Do you have a cigarette?” I responded in the negative, and was careful to provide him my version of an admonition. “Never have. Never will.”

Another time I walked past a young lady standing in the landscaped shrubbery of a bank which bordered the sidewalk. I heard her long before I saw her, but since she was a she, (and not a he), I hadn’t bothered crossing the four-lane highway.

I didn’t recognize the words of her song, but I can tell you it was definitely “strange and wonderful.” The tune, (if it could be called a ‘tune’) was nothing short of ethereal. As I passed the woman, I noticed a dog on a leash by her side; seemingly very content to be standing in a flower bed with what appeared to be a demented woman, singing the weirdest of all possible melodies, at four o’clock in the morning.

But to return to where I left off.

Realizing that I was quickly approaching another human being at 345am, (or as we so often referred to the wee hours in the Army, “O Dark City,” I walked quickly across the four lanes of traffic; (which at this hour was devoid of traffic). Having reached the sidewalk which ran parallel with the one I had just been walking, I continued to “keep my eye” on the man across the street, ‘til I could no longer see him.

After I had walked another 2-3 minutes, I briefly cast my gaze behind me, and I saw him. The same guy whom I have attempted to avoid was now walking approximately fifty feet behind me.

As “Mrs. Fairfax” mused in the novel, “Jane Eyre,” I said to myself,

“What to do? What to do?”

There was nothing I could do, except make the four lane transit once again; which I proceeded to accomplish. Arriving on the far side of the highway, I walked backwards a bit in order to determine the phantom’s next move. 

After he walked fifteen or twenty yards, he “turned on his heel,” and began walking the other direction. And with each step, he and I took we put more distance between ourselves.

My 9^th grade English teacher taught us an old Irish prayer.

“From ghosties, and ghoulies, and long-legged beasties, and things which go ‘bump’ in the night, good Lord deliver us!”

I think the experience I just recounted for you qualifies well for that prayer.

by William McDonald, PhD. Copyright pending. 2019

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