MY DADDY WAS AN EXTERMINATOR. (Me? Not So Much). Pts. 1-2

Back in the mid-50’s, my dad traded in his (not so) prestigious role as a roofer for that of an exterminator. As a result, my family moved from Coral Gables to the central Florida community of Highland City, and daddy went to work for Dale Forsythe of the now defunct Whisk Chemical Company.

Ultimately, my father hung that job “on a weeping willow tree,” and completed the testing required to operate an independent extermination business.

During the course of my growing up years, my brothers and I sometimes accompanied my dad on his honorable crusade to wipe out all manner of pests in the central Florida area. I walked room to room with him, as he sprayed baseboards and sinks for roaches, and crawled under houses with him, and watched as he drilled holes into concrete blocks, and sent jets of toxic chemicals into the dwelling places of myriads of ivory-colored termites.

When I was perhaps twelve, I entered a sketch of an (drum roll) American cockroach in a local art contest. And I received a blue ribbon for my efforts; having devoted all of a quarter hour to my task. To be fair, however, this was as much time as I ever cared to dedicate to the bug trade.

My father always hoped one of his three sons would “take up his mantle,” and carry on in his stead. However, neither I, nor Wayne, nor Brent were interested in doing so. Thus, it fell to his main sidekick, and God-son, Bob, to maintain the good name, and continuing presence of “McDonald Exterminators.” And indeed, Bob purchased the business and it still exists today.

Pt. 2

To preface it might help you to understand that I extend a great amount of love, respect, and care towards the animal kingdom. After all, God entrusted us with their care, as surely as He first entrusted the animals of the world to Adam’s, and subsequently, Noah’s care.

All the foregoing to say that the past couple of weeks I have seen a particular ‘critter’ in my house; near the dishwasher. As a matter of fact, this particular six-legged creature was about two inches long, and reddish-brown in color. You guessed it. One of those same hideous, little insects which I had once characterized in a drawing, and for which I’d won a blue ribbon, and one of those same nasty, little bugs upon whose back my father had housed, clothed, and fed his children for such a long time.

To be sure, I never see much more than a small spider inside my house, but right there in front of God and everybody, perhaps a foot from our dishwasher, sat one of my least favorite creatures on earth. An American Cockroach. And in spite of my love and respect for the animal world, I grabbed the nearest shoe, and came down with it. However, the animate was quicker than the inanimate, and the roach escaped into a crack between a cabinet, and our dishwasher.

Several days later, it happened again. And once again, the nasty, little cuss escaped.

Which brings me up to this evening.

My wife called my attention to our recurring visitor, and once again I grabbed a nearby shoe. Oddly enough, this time our unwelcome guest lingered. And lingered a bit longer than was prudent for his or her safety.

Wham!!!

As I lifted my wife’s sandal from the miniature corpse, (you don’t think I’d use my shoe, do you) I witnessed just about the nastiest, gooiest mess to which I’d been exposed in quite some time.

Afterward

But since the ugly brown critter’s legs, and antenna were still moving, I slammed it again. And at this stage, there was little or no doubt. Our nasty, little guest was dead as a hammer.

Even now, I cannot account for it, but my sense of having put the filthy fiend out of his or her misery was tempered with an emotion, albeit slight, which I had not expected to feel. Regret for having extinguished a life; as inconsequential, in the scheme of things, as it was.

I think my father would be ashamed of me, and there is little doubt. I would have made a very good exterminator.


by William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from (Mc)Donald's Daily Diary. Vol. 70. Copyright pending If you wish to copy, share or 'save' please include the credit line, above