(Or Everything Wrong I Ever Did at UPS, and Can No Longer Get in Trouble for)
George Baird, my supervisor, was riding with me that day. From time to
time, and only a couple minutes before I pulled out of the building,
(and much to my chagrin) he’d surprise me with a,
“Hey Bill, I’ll be riding with you today.”
And with that, he’d slip a portable jump seat into the passenger frame of the cab, and off we’d go.
The day had been somewhat uneventful, as George and I rolled up and
down the streets and boulevards of Winter Haven until… I discovered a
package I’d neglected to deliver. Well, I can tell you I wasn’t real
impressed, and I knew my supervisor would be even less impressed than me
to have to retrace the path from whence we’d come.
And thus, I
transgressed another verse in the UPS bible. Not unlike Aiken of old, I
hid my little treasure amongst a multitude of pickup packages in the
back of my truck. And before the day was over, I did it a second time.
And it seemed that old George was none the wiser for it;
…with the emphasis on ‘seemed.’
For you see, when we pulled into the UPS center, and I opened the back
bulkhead so the truck could be unloaded, George B. joined me on the
dock, and pulled out one, and then the second of my hidden treasures.
“Bill, can you tell me what this is all about?”
He’d known all the time, but decided to wait ‘til we returned to address my little transgression.
I suppose I ‘hemmed and hauled around’ a moment, and finally countered with the most common lie of all time.
“Uh, I really don’t know.”
(and)
“I had no idea they were there.”
Well, suffice it to say Old George had pity on poor deceitful little me
for, as I recall, he merely shook his head, and walked away. After he
left, I retrieved the parcels and stuck them on the first shelf so that
they could be delivered the next day. (“Grace and Mercy there was free.”
At least on that particular day).
And did I tell you about the nudist?
(I can tell you, I LOL when I recall the event).
I was well on my way to the conclusion of my work day when I turned
right on Lake Eloise Drive. And since I had a delivery package for #769,
(a fictional number, but a very real happening) I pulled off the road,
retrieved the parcel and walked down the driveway to the house. A wall
minus a garage door separated me from the domicile now. And as I walked
around the wall, and into the carport, I found myself face to face with
…a very naked man!
“Mr. Smith” had apparently been swimming in the adjoining creek, and
upon returning to his garage had divested himself of his bathing suit;
with the intent of opening his front door and retrieving his street
clothes.
You would have thought I caught him robbing a bank!
“Oh my! Oh no! I’m sorry! Please don’t tell anybody you saw me like this!”
Well, he couldn’t have been any more surprised than me, and no doubt I promised to keep his little secret.
I just caught myself in another lie.
Oddly enough, now two decades into my retirement, I am still delivering
packages for “the greatest ship in the shipping business” but only… in
my dreams. For at least once a month, in that ethereal nether world we
call sleep, I find myself with a few packages whose addresses I don’t
recognize; and running desperately late.
I’ve considered sending a bill to UPS for my ongoing services.
By William McDonald, PhD. From (Mc)Donald's Daily Diary. Vol. 43. Copyright pending
If you wish to copy, share or save this blog, please include the credit line, above
**************
If you would like to see the titles and access hundreds of my blogs from 2015, do the following:
Click
on 2015 in the index to the right of this blog. When my December 31st
blog, "The Shot Must Choose You" appears, click on the title. All my
2015 blog titles will come up in the right margin.
No comments:
Post a Comment