Wednesday, April 11, 2018

A CLINICAL TRIAL FOR CONJUNCTIVITIS. Pts. 1-3



After I retired from my career as a UPS driver, and continued a third career as a pastoral counselor, (I had also previously retired from the Reserve) I found it necessary to substitute teach.

Well, I had hardly begun, and was in my first week at Westwood Middle School, than my eyes began itching, and turned a lovely shade of cherry red. I had contracted pink eye from some non-descript, unidentified student. It goes without saying that I had to “stand down,” and procure the required treatment for the malady; before resuming my duties at the school.

Speaking of pink eye, there’s a local commercial running in my  television market right now which promotes a clinical study for that malady. The monologue goes something like,

“If you have contracted conjunctivitis in the past four days, and have not yet visited a doctor, please call 863-____-____ immediately. Clinical trials are now being conducted at a reputable health care establishment, and a new medication for the treatment of pink eye is being tested. Medical treatment and the cost of prescriptions will be provided to candidates of the study; completely without charge. Please call the number on the screen immediately.”

And each time the commercial runs, I cannot help but think,

“Hmmm, let me see. Clinical trials are now being conducted for the treatment of pink eye. Let’s say I am a symptomatic candidate for the illness. Just how would I know whether the doctor was giving me a bonified new medication or a placebo?”
(and)
Pt. 2


“I mean, after all, if they are conducting the clinical trials properly, they have to be administering both the “real McCoy,” as well as a fake control medication.”

(and)

“If, hypothetically, I did receive a placebo, I could be walking around with this nasty, oozing, cherry-red set of eyeballs for a very long time; while they continued to play games with my ocular health.”

(and)

“As long as I was a participant in the clinical study, and continued to exhibit the symptoms of pink eye, the chances of my procuring gainful work would be nigh on to nil.”

As a pastoral counselor of twenty-five years, I often provide my clients an illustration.

“You walk into a room very much like the one we are seated in today. As you step across the threshold, you notice a young man standing near the door. And he seems so engaged with what he is doing that he is totally oblivious of your presence. For you see, he is standing next to a light switch, and flipping the ever-loving c_ _ _ outta of it. But the light isn’t coming on. “Jim” continues to look up expectantly at the overhead light, but nothing is happening.

He doesn’t check the fuse box. He doesn’t check the bulb to see if it is burned out. He doesn’t unscrew the switch plate to determine if any wires are burned. All he does is look up at the light switch, as if he could will it to come on. And as you turn to go, the young fellow continues to flip the light switch.”

Pt. 3

Ultimately, you return to the same room a full half a century later. And as you walk into the room, you see a very familiar old man, holding a cane, and wearing a full beard; bent over with the cares of life. And the ole boy is flicking that same light switch; with the very same result.

He’s not checking the fuse box. He’s not checking to see if the bulb has burned out. He’s not unscrewing the switch plate. He certainly has called an electrician. And you find yourself shaking your head, walking out of the room, and pulling the door shut behind you.

Alcoholics Anonymous has developed a simple definition for insanity.

“Doing the same thing, again and again, and expecting different results.”

And very much like A.A.’s definition of insanity, some anonymous individual once similarly philosophized,

“Sin (or negative behavior patterns) will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.”

Having literally counseled thousands of men, women, boys and girls, over the course of decades, I can tell you that I have run into some pretty chronic clients and cases. And whether we’re talking about taking a placebo for pink eye, or maintaining a pattern of chronic adultery, or practicing codependent behavior when it never, ever worked for us, and only limited the adult dependents in our lives, or doing anything else which consistently results in a pretty horrendous outcome, we are like the man at the proverbial light switch.

It’s time to figure out why that light ain’t coming on!

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 80, Copyright pending

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