4176
We moved to North Dakota this fall. We
heard that summers are fun and winter is beautiful. We think there is no more
beautiful a place in the whole world!
December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to
snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and
sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from
heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like
newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful
blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving
here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and
felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This
afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in
the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12 - The sun has melted all
our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to
see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad
he's our neighbor.
December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8
inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the
driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this
much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I
wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold
my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my backside on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like crazy.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 - Still way below
freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I
had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't
admit it to her. I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20 - Electricity's back on,
but had another 14 inches of the darn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took
all day. The snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but. they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called
the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're
out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22 - Bob was right about a
white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's
so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel. Tried to hire Bob-who has a plow on his
truck-for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the bum is
lying.
December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow
today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the
house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a
month ago. She says she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed
so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the guy who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the
snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides
around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down
the street...at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight, the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
our presents...but I was too busy watching for the darn snowplow.
December 25 - Merry Christmas! 20 more
inches of the white slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my
blood boil. I hate the snow! Then, the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful
Life" one more time, I'm going to feed her through a wood chipper.
December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the
did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27 - Temperature dropped to
-30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $4,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28 - Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in. The wife is driving me crazy!!!
December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says
I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up
the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars for the
beating I gave him. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches
predicted.
December 31 - I set fire to what's
left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8 – I feel so good. I just
love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed ???
-Author Unknown
No comments:
Post a Comment