Maybe I sound old fashioned. Maybe I sound “out of date.” But I have three daughters, the oldest being an impressionable preteen and I want so badly to shelter her, them, from the Miley Cyrus message society is screaming.
By Shilah Seale
Raising An Esther in A Miley Cyrus World?
It sounds almost impossible.
Here’s why…..
She was beautiful.
Her long, blonde hair was pulled into a perfect messy bun on top of her head. Her skin was golden, evidence of lazy days spent poolside, being kissed by the sun. She was thin but fit, maybe a gymnast or dancer. Her string bikini was white and left little to the imagination. Hips swaying, chest pushed out, she walked with a confidence that demanded to be noticed. My kids were playing in the kiddie pool in front of me but I glanced away from them to catch one more look at her as she passed. And I felt a sudden heavy sadness.
Why?
Because she was maybe 12.
I don’t know when it happened or where we went wrong as a “village” but somehow we let the innocence of our daughters be stripped away. From makeup marketed to preteens and revealing clothing designed for teens, to the sexualization of girls in songs, television, and movies, our daughters have been forced to grow up way before their time. We’ve let their childhood-a precious time of growth and discovery and innocence- be stolen from them. We have given our society permission to define their worth. And their worth, at least by the media’s standards, grows as their skirts get shorter and their blouses get more see through and lower cut.
I recently saw a video circulating Facebook that showed a group of young girls competing in a dance competition. The dance and the young girls’ costumes was closer to something you’d see on a late night show or a professional sporting event than at a junior dance competition. These young girls were wearing skimpy costumes, while gyrating and shaking to “Single Ladies” in a way that would make most adult women blush. I watched, horrified, as the audience applauded and cheered them on. These were little girls! And yet, if you took away their little girl bodies and replaced them with an adult woman’s body you wouldn’t have been able to notice the change. Its a Miley Cyrus world.
We live in a society that seems to hate little girls.
Oh, we dress them in pretty princess dresses and parade them around as walking dolls. We gush and gah over how precious and cute and sweet they look. We tell them beauty is what’s inside a person and that they can be and do anything they want; that they can change the world.
But then we inundate them with sex and the power it seems to give them over others. We let them believe their worth is in a perfect face and sexy body. We give them “role models” like Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, and Katy Perry; young women who use their sexuality to control, manipulate and shock. We let them watch shows that condone, and even encourage, teen sex, and push the message that sex isn’t about love but instead about being in control of your body because it’s your body, your choice. We buy them magazines full of scantily dressed teens with articles on how to get the boy, how to impress the boy, how to keep the boy. We allow the clothing industry to make padded bathing suits for 8 years olds and skimpy underwear for 13 years olds. Lingerie stores that used to market only to adult women are now offering teen inspired undergarment lines, with flirty sayings like “Call Me” and “Feeling Lucky?” splashed across the front and back.
But we remain silent.
We have fed them nothing but a bunch of garbage and photoshopped lies.
And we have let our girls, our daughters, down.
Maybe I sound old fashioned. Maybe I sound “out of date.” But I have three daughters, the oldest being an impressionable preteen and I want so badly to shelter her, them, from the message society is screaming. I want to keep them close to me and hide them from the lies that are advertised all around them, because I know the damage it can do. I want them to see their worth, their true worth, not only to themselves but to our family and the community we live in. I want them to know they are more precious than any ruby or diamond. I want them to know that they are worth more than gold.
Growing up, the story of Esther in the Bible fascinated me. Here was an average girl, a nobody, who won the favor of a king and rose to become queen. But I think the part of the story that we all seem to miss is that she didn’t just earn the favor of a king. She won the favor of THE KING. She was a queen even before a crown was ever laid on her head. The Creator of the Universe saw HER, in all her beauty and flaws, and decided that she would serve a distinct purpose in His story. She was worth more than gold and filled a role no one else would or could fill. He saw her. He loved her. And He used her to do something great.
If we want to raise daughters that are worth more than gold, then we have to treat them like they are priceless. We have to protect them, physically and mentally, like they are more precious than any gem. Starting, intentionally, in our own homes and communities.
So, how do we raise an Esther in a Miley Cyrus World?:
1. Start when she is young. Teach her what it means to be precious then treat her like she is. Celebrate her innocence and keep her there for as long as you can. Dress her like the child she is. Give her toys that celebrate her age. Watch television shows and movies that embrace adventure and discovery and character. Listen to music that uplifts and builds confidence positively. Feed her imagination with childhood wonder. Let her be little. And keep her there as long as you can.
2. Give her positive role models. There are so many amazing young women in our world, role models that need to be celebrated and esteemed. Sadie Robertson, Misty Copeland, Britt Nicole, Gabby Douglas, Laurie Hernandez, Malala Yousafzai, Angela Zhang. These young women are musicians, athletes, artists, designers, inventers, and leaders. They are heroes and fighters. Find one that speaks to your daughter’s talents. Feed that passion. And let her dream.
3. Value character over appearance. As parents we should tell her she is beautiful just as she is. But we also need to tell her she is smart, funny, caring, generous, talented, unique, worthy, treasured, sacred… a gem. Encourage her to be her own kind of beautiful and to celebrate the uniqueness of others. Tell her she has value. And it isn’t because of her face or body. Her talents and God given skills are valued and needed in her community. Her beauty is in how she serves others.
4. Fight society’s message of “sex sells”. Get the gloves out, mommas, because this one is so very, very important. We have to be intentional and involved. Change the radio station. Supervise what she watches and reads. I even have one friend who turns magazines over while she and her daughters are standing in the check out line. Monitor what she wears. Quit trying to be the cool, hype mom, and instead model modesty in your own dress and attitude. “Sex” only sells if we “buy” it. Stop “buying” it.
5. Surround her with a tribe of strong, positive mentors. She needs positive role models, women who are doing great things in our world. But she also needs real mentors, women she can do life with. Give them to her. Surround her with beautiful women from all walks…..grandmas, teens, young women, mothers, aunts, friends. Women who live like they are priceless and can feed her truths about what it means to be strong and beautiful and confident.
6. Raise our boys to be gentlemen. I’m talking to all you mommas of boys now….We need to teach our boys what real beauty is and where it is found, and that it’s not in the size of a woman’s cleavage. We need to raise our daughters to be Esthers. But we need to groom our boys to be Daniels. Strong. Compassionate. Gentle. God-fearing. We need to teach them how to treat our daughters with the respect and dignity they deserve and God demands. If we want to raise daughters of class and grace, we need to raise sons of honor and integrity.
7. Talk to her, no matter how uncomfortable or scary it may be. Keep communication between you and her open and honest. Let her know she can always talk to you.
No. Matter. What.
And that you will listen. Without judgment.
Then do just that.
8. Feed her Truth…. She is valuable. She is treasured. She is amazing. She is worth more than gold. She is sacred. She is beloved. She is His. And she has a distinct and unique purpose in this world that only she can fill.
We may not be able to change society. But we can change our homes and communities. We can save our daughters and all the other beautiful girls in our lives.
It’s time to silence the lies.
It’s time to fight for their innocence.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Psalm 139:13-16
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This article originally appeared at Crockpots and Fairy Tales.
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