Those Worn-out, Predictable Old Christmas Movies

I just tuned into what I might refer to as, “The Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons Channel,” only to discover both programs have been removed for the Thanksgiving and Christmas season.

Bah Humbug!!!

I happen to love “Little House,” and like “The Waltons.”

I happen to detest Hallmark Channel’s Thanksgiving and Christmas movies.

I didn’t say I hate Thanksgiving and Christmas, though I may have been predisposed to do so.

For you see, I worked as a delivery driver for United Parcel Service for twenty years, and to be fair I detested that job more than I presently detest Thanksgiving and Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel. For other than delivering hundreds of packages to hundreds of locations on a daily basis, and arriving home no later than 7pm on a nightly basis, once Thanksgiving arrived, it wasn’t unusual to still be delivering parcels at midnight, and thus it came and thus it went ‘til “The Night Before Christmas.”

And if you are to believe my wife, the reason I simply can’t tolerate the Hallmark Channel’s worn-out movies during the holiday season is because

… I’m not a woman.

(And have no desire to be).

At any rate, the obvious fact that I’m not a woman, and my questionable experience with the largest shipping company in this or any other universe may be secondary reasons, but I’m sorry, the seasonal offing’s of the Hallmark Channel just bore me senseless, and the plots are just so predictable.

I mean, it’s bad enough during the ten months leading up to the holiday season.

Boy meets Girl. This or that catalyst tends to separate them for a while. And ultimately, some circumstance, or the other which brings them back together.

And “they lived happily ever after.” And as cookie cutter as the plots are, the titles are worse.

“A Ring by Spring”

“Kiss at Pine Lake”

“Shadow on the Mesa”

I mean, C’mon.

And to return to the Thanksgiving and Christmas versions of their monthly schedule.

As I have already inferred, bad, just bad. Bad titles and bad plots. (And for sake of space and time, I will dispense with the titles).

But the plots are simply revised echo’s and ditto’s of what has been broadcast the remainder of the year.

A stranger comes to town, and happens to arrive on Christmas week. Boy meets Girl. Boy says something which he regrets, but the Girl regrets more. The duo bump into each other at the Christmas Tree (or Bake) Sale. Their eyes meet. They just can’t stand it. Girl invites Boy to her family Christmas reunion. After dinner they excuse themselves. They walk outside. They kiss. Early proposal. They marry, (and of course) they live happily ever after.

Sorry, I just can’t even contemplate watching such horrible stuff during the most wonderful season man, (as in Thanksgiving,) and God (as in Christmas) ever created. I mean, I'd almost rather submit to a root canal.

Hallmark, do us a favor.

… Keep your movies.

Bah. Humbug.

 

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 14. Volumes 1-15, Copyright 2015.

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