SHUFFLING OFF THIS MORTAL COIL (at a curiously slow pace)

There is currently a giant tortoise named “Jonathan” residing on an island made famous by Napoleon Bonaparte, St. Helena; upon which he was exiled, and on which he died.

Interestingly enough, this gigantic creature’s daddy and mama were (drum roll) alive and well during Napoleon’s confinement on the island, and for that matter, well before the little emperor made his troublesome appearance on this planet.

Not only so, but Johnathan, himself, made his own debut a scant decade after the deposed emperor shuffled off the earth.

Historical records indicate that this unusual animal was transported to the island from the Seychelles in 1882, along with three other of his kind, and was, at the time, a still relatively young fifty years of age. He continues to live on the grounds of Plantation House; the residence of the Governor of St. Helena.

A black and white photograph is available of Jonathan, taken about 1886. Two men outfitted in the clothing of that day, one a constable and one, an animal keeper, stand behind him.

While at the grand old age of 183, Jonathan is thought to be the oldest living animal on the face of Planet Earth, he is far from the world record holder. In 2006, a giant tortoise of a closely related species, and thought to have reached an impressive (drum roll) quarter of a millennium “crossed the Rainbow Bridge.”

It has been reported that, due to his advancing age, Jonathan has long since lost two of his senses. He is not only blind as the result of cataracts, but no longer retains his sense of smell. Thankfully, the amazing beast has retained his sense of hearing, and as he approaches the two century mark, he is still able to, well, you know.

In 2017, it was discovered that another giant tortoise named “Frederica,” and with whom Jonathan has been mating for the past three decades, is (drum roll) probably a male.

I can only wonder if the ponderous creature’s visual impairment contributed to his inability to distinguish between the genders. (It goes without saying that the likelihood of any Jonathan Jr.’s in the near future is next to nil).

Whatever the case, based on the actuarial tables it would appear Jonathan and Frederica will have several more decades to pursue their "alternative lifestyle."

by William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from (Mc)Donald's Daily Diary, Vol. 83. Copyright pending