MY COUSIN HARRY IS GETTING MARRIED TODAY. Pts. 1-3

My cousin Harry is getting married today.

(Yeah, he is).

Speaking of dropping names, I am related to Harry and William and Princess Diana, (and for that matter, the late Prime Minister Winston Churchill) through the Spencer line. We are all descendants of William the Conqueror’s chief clerk; who toted around the unlikely surname, “Despencer,” (which, ultimately, lost the prefix).

I like to think young Harry chose the date they chose to tie the knot ‘cause it’s my birthday.

(Yeah, it is).

To be sure, Harry and I aren’t exactly bosom buddies, and my wife and I have yet to be invited to Windsor or Buckingham Palace for dinner or tea; (or even a ham and cheese sandwich).

But I thought my cousin would have assured I received an invitation to the wedding. I mean, after all, Oprah will be there, not to mention George Clooney, and David Beckham.

(Yeah, they will).

My wife and I just got back from a long-awaited vacation to Ireland and Scotland, and I had seriously thought about extending our trip; in order to be in England on that very special day.

(Yeah, I did).

To be sure, Jean and I never assume anything, and rather than exceed the baggage limit, and rather than carry around a wrinkled tuxedo and formal gown for several weeks, we figured we could always buy some appropriate clothing for the joyous occasion; if, indeed, our invitations caught up with us.

(Yeah, we did)

Pt. 2

I kept telling members of our tour group (and anyone else who would listen) that Prince Harry was an extended member of my family (and vice versa), that I was cautiously sure he would not forget me, and that my wife and I might have to take our leave from them a bit early, and scoot over to Windsor on short notice.

But as the days fell away like sand in an hour glass, and our tour bus rolled down all those left-handed highways, the royal invites never caught up with us.

(No, they didn’t).

Of course, I assumed the absence of those two almost magical little bits of paper was a simple oversight. And yet, I could not bring it on myself to contact Harry’s personal aide. Allow me to omit my cousin’s title. After all we are kinfolk. Albeit it, rather distant.

(Yeah, we are).

I know Harry has had a lot on his mind. They tell me that he has had a few jitters, as he anticipated typing the knot with the lovely Meghan. I’ve heard that his brother (and my cousin) William, (yes, we bear the same name) has been very helpful in this regard, and has helped calm his nerves. As a counselor I would have been glad to accept the mission, but again, I never want to assume on family relations.

(No, I don’t).

Having written the foregoing verbiage earlier in the week, I just sat down to watch my cousin’s wedding. Granted almost 4,000 miles separate me from Harry and Meghan and Windsor, England, and those 600 assembled guests. But I’ll be there in spirit.

(Yeah. I will)

Pt. 3

Sarah Ferguson just walked up the proverbial red carpet. She was not invited to my cousin William’s wedding, (No, she wasn’t) though she still shares the house of her ex-husband, Andrew; my cousin Harry’s uncle.

I must say I’m beginning to feel a bit miffed, as it is all too obvious at this point that a last minute invite is not in the works, (and I have little or no doubt that they’d postpone the wedding a few hours for the likes of little ole me, nor that they’d dispatch a royal aircraft to provide me a quick lift).

And yet, the once ostracized Fergie comes waltzing in “smoking and joking” and animated as “all get out,” and takes her seat in the choir loft; while this quiet, respectful cousin (yours truly) has been excluded to outer darkness.

(Yeah, I have).

And now a Rolls Royce appears, and Anderson Cooper points out the presence of Meghan Markle; dressed to the hilt, and looking as pretty as a peach.

(Yeah, she does).

I suppose I’m just gonna just have to grab hold of an attitude adjustment and ride it like a proverbial horse. I refuse to hold a grudge against my cousin Harry on the most important day of his life.

(No, I won’t)

Perhaps Harry and Meghan will invite my wife and I to the palace after they have had time to adjust to life and marriage, (and the expectations of their distant relatives).

By William McDonald, PhD. From (Mc)Donald's Daily Diary. Vol. 82. Copyright pending

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