PIXILATED. Pts. 1-3

In the old black & white movie, “Mr. Deeds Goes to Town” Gary Cooper portrays a fellow who “just came” into a fortune of twenty million dollars, as the result of the death of an obscure benefactor.

As a result, his life is “turned upside down,” and the non-descript young man begins to behave a bit differently than before he inherited his great fortune. It seems a couple of catalysts superimpose themselves upon him, and Mr. Deeds simply doesn’t know how to respond.

As the movie progresses, a myriad of people “come out of the (proverbial) woodwork, and want their own “piece of the pie.” And conversely, Mr. Deeds responds affirmatively towards them, and quickly divests himself of his inheritance.

A lady reporter, (portrayed by Jean Arthur) writes several articles criticizing Mr. Deeds countrified demeanor, and, at least to her, unorthodox response to having inherited such a large amount of money.

Ultimately, the “men in white” are brought in, and Mr. Deeds is taken into custody, and held in a psychiatric ward for observation. As a result, he becomes despondent, and quits talking. Thus, a competence hearing is arranged, and on such and such a day judge, defense and prosecution lawyers, Mr. Deeds, and dozens of spectators convene in a local courtroom.

And as you might imagine, Mr. Deeds sits almost catatonic at the defense table, while witness after witness testifies about his recent “strange and wonderful” behavior.

Finally, when the lady reporter jumps up, and expresses her regrets about what she has written, and, quite unexpectedly, also expresses her love for Longfellow, the dumbfounded Longfellow Deeds “comes to his senses,” and decides to defend himself.

What follows represent the closing dynamics of the movie. (I believe it’s apparent who is speaking at any given time).

Pt. 2

(Longfellow Deeds stands)

I don't know where to begin. There has been so much said about me. About my playing the tuba. It seems like a lot of fuss has been made about that. If a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba, somebody'd better look into it, because there are a lot of tuba players running around. I don't see any harm in it. I play mine whenever I want to concentrate. That may sound funny to some people, but everybody does something silly when thinking.

(Longfellow has been closely observing the witnesses and spectators during the proceeding)

For instance, the judge here is an "O" filler.

A what?

An "O" filler. You fill in all the spaces in the O's with your pencil. I was watching. That may make you look a little crazy, just sitting around, filling in O's, but I don't see anything wrong, 'cause that helps you think.

Other people are doodlers. That's a name for people who make foolish designs on paper when thinking. It's called doodling. Almost everybody's a doodler. Did you ever see a scratch pad in a telephone booth? People draw the most idiotic pictures when they're thinking.

Dr. Von Hallor here could probably think up a long name for it because he doodles all the time. Here’s a piece of paper he was scribbling on. One minute it looks like a chimpanzee. The next minute it looks like a picture of Mr. Cedar. You look at it. Exhibit "A" for the defense. Looks kind of stupid. But that's all right. If Dr. Von Hallor has to doodle to help him think, that's his business.

Everybody does something different. Some people are ear pullers. Some are nail biters.

That Mr. Semple over there is a nose twitcher.

The lady next to him is a knuckle cracker.

So, you see, everybody does silly things to help them think. Well, I play the tuba.

(The courtroom erupts in laughter)

Order in this court!

This is becoming farcical. I demand Mr. Deeds confine himself to facts. Let him explain his wanderings in his underclothes, his feeding doughnuts to horses.

Proceed. Mr. Cedar's right. Those things do look kind of bad, don't they?

Pt. 3

But to tell you the truth, Your Honor, I don't remember them. I guess they happened, because I don't think a policeman would lie, but I was drunk. It was the first time I was ever drunk. It's probably happened to you some time. I mean, when you were younger. It's likely to happen to anybody.

Just the other morning, I read about Mr. Cedar's own son, how he got drunk and insisted on driving a taxicab while the driver sat inside. Isn't that so? Isn't that so?

Now, about the Faulkner sisters. Do you mind if I talk to them?  

Not at all.

Jane, who owns the house you live in?  

Why, you own it, Longfellow. Yes, you own it.  

Do you pay any rent?  

No, we don't pay any rent. Good heavens, no.  We never pay you rent.  

Are you happy there?  

Oh, yes.  Yes, indeed.

Now, Jane, a little while ago you said I was pixilated.

(An archaic word for ‘demented’).

Do you still think so?

Why, you've always been pixilated, Longfellow. Always.  

That's fine. I guess maybe I am. Now, tell me something, Jane. Who else in Mandrake Falls is pixilated?

Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated,

…except us.

Now, just one more question. You see the judge here. He's a nice man, isn't he?  Do you think he's pixilated?

Yes. Yes, indeed.

You haven't yet touched upon the most important point: This rather fantastic idea of yours to give away your entire fortune. It is, to say the least, most uncommon.

Yes, I was getting to that, Your Honor. Suppose you were living in a small town, getting along fine, and suddenly somebody dropped $20 million in your lap. Suppose you discover all that money was messing up your life, was bringing vultures around your neck, making you lose faith. You'd be worried. You'd feel that you had a hot potato in your hand, and you'd want to drop it.

Afterward

As the competence hearing concludes, Mr. Longfellow Deeds receives the best possible news.

(The judge speaks)

Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you. Your behavior, to say the least, has been most strange.

But in the opinion of the Court, you are not only sane, but you are the sanest man that ever walked into this courtroom. Case dismissed!

Given the idiosyncrasies of each and every one of us who inhabit the “big blue marble” we refer to as earth, it is apparent that we are all ‘pixilated,’ except perhaps the previously alluded to Faulkner sisters; (and to tell you the truth, I’m not all that sure about them)!

by William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from (Mc)Donald's Daily Diary, Vol. 84. Copyright pending.

(& including script from "Mr. Deeds Goes to Town")