There’s a current news story that relates to a man living in
a married woman’s closet. (The man in the closet wasn’t her husband).
Ultimately, “the
man in the closet” was discovered by a surprised and irate husband. The angry
man took very little time “dispatching”
his foe. The murderer has been arrested, and will be charged with first degree
murder.
I’m aware of
various and sundry stories that follow this same theme.
It has been said that Patrick Henry, the author of "Give me liberty, or give me death," kept a deranged wife in his attic. (But that is not to say she was ill-treated).
In the popular
volume by Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester does the same
thing. Perhaps the author was working off her prior knowledge of the famous
American patriot.
But such stories
are by no means singular, or unusual. Such examples have occurred, and still
occur by the millions.
Before you
contradict me, I’m not talking literal here, but figurative; or better put,
spiritual. At some time or another, we have all been guilty of hiding memories in our closets, and storing past events in our attics.
Or, to coin a much
more familiar phrase, we have all had, (or continue to have) skeletons in our closets.
From my own subjective survey of
this principle, 99% admit to having skeletons in their closets; (and the other
l% are liars)!
That is not to say
that everyone is in favor of doing something about it. Few of us have unloaded
all our “dark secrets” onto a trusted person in our lives. We “stuff.” We “numb
out.” We play “hide and seek.”
As a counselor I
have been as guilty as any of my clients, in terms of “hiding skeletons.”
Granted, the bones would occasionally rattle, and unnerve me a bit. And
sometimes the closet door would be hard to close; (too many bones, and too
little storage space).
But even counselors arrive at a time and
place when closets have to be cleaned. I’m no exception. And the results of my
sharing has been beyond my expectations.
I encourage people
to share those pent-up secrets and memories that have never been reconciled in
their minds and spirits. Substance groups speak of “People, Places, and
Things.” That’s what we’re talking about.
In my own life
I’ve chosen two same-gender and two opposite-gender people with whom to share
my hurts, memories and secrets. While I almost always recommend people use only
same-gender accountability persons, I have found myself in a particular
circumstance.
The men and women,
with whom I consult, are two married couples, and are my best friends. Beyond
this, all four serve as mentor figures in this church agency. And, one of the
women serves as my associate counselor
And all this is not
to say that we have to “unload” every sin, every memory, every excruciating
specific from our pasts. God is the ultimate forgiver of sins. But I’m
convinced that He uses people; people who are full of the spirit of empathy,
understanding, and intervention.
It is not for
nothing that we find verses in The Holy Writ that refer to counseling:
“Without counsel the plans of a man are disappointed. But in
the multitude of counselors, they are established.” (Proverbs 15:22, KJV)
and
“In the multitude of counselors, there is safety.” (Proverbs
11:14, KJV)
and
“Counsel in the heart of a man is like deep waters, but the
man of understanding will draw it out.” (Proverbs 20:5, KJV)
I have found the
catharsis that flows out of what counselors refer to as “self-report.” I have
experienced freedom from guilt, and a newness of life.
I have left various mind-sets behind, and conquered certain
defensive mechanisms. I recommend accountability. I recommend the presence of a
mentor figure. We are all needy
people.
Even counselors need counsel.
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