Cookie Cutter Celluloids

Hallmark Movies

(I hate ‘em)

I really do

As I type these lines my wife is watching one of those abominable things.

I mean when it comes to movies, they are just so “B” as opposed to “A” (and will never in this world or the world to come be nominated for an Academy Award).

And the titles…

Love Comes Softly

Shadow on the Mesa

Love’s Everlasting Courage

When Autumn Leaves Fall

I mean, give me a break. It sounds like someone reincarnated the Nancy Drew series.

Shadow at the Water’s Edge

Alibi in Ashes

The Shattered Medallion

The Creature of Kapu Cave (Well, maybe not that one)

Occasionally, my wife manages to catch me in between my counseling duties, speaking engagements, writing responsibilities, fire ant killing, small dog walking, nose hair snipping, (well, you get the idea) and corrals me into watching one of them.

The plots? They are just so predictable. 

Most (if not all) of the ‘Hallmarkers’ involve the emergence of an outsider; a stranger or long-lost beau who has come home to roost. And without much adieu, said individual manages to create a crisis which initially has the community, or perhaps a respected family in the throes of contention; only to turn around in the end. 

A (if not THE) major theme of the Hallmark series of movies surrounds a young woman and her impending marriage to someone with whom she is not altogether compatible. Never fear. Before the movie concludes her wayward beau will steal her heart, and they will waltz their way into marital bliss.

The multitude of movies Hallmark has produced over the years never ceases to amaze me. Literally hundreds of chronic cookie cutter productions designed to line the pockets of greeting card moguls and “B” actors, provide extras a ‘C note’ and possibility of an eventual speaking part, and melt the hearts of forlorn singles and golden agers.

Did I say ‘multitude?’ When checking out Hallmark’s myriad of titles, I discovered that there are, as we speak, an amazing 29 in production!

Has anyone seen my nose hair tweezers?


By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 39. Copyright pending

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