Lincoln's Little Boy

     Abraham Lincoln was an old father, as fathers go; since his youngest son was born when he was in his late forties. 

 

     Tadd would often march around The White House wearing his boy-size soldier outfit. The Civil War was raging, and not even young children could escape the reality of it. Lincoln’s drawn, and often sad featured always lightened whenever he spent time with his young son. Such times caused him to reflect on his own childhood; playing in the brook, chasing squirrels, climbing hills.

     Lincoln had a special relationship with this child of his old age. And Tadd enjoyed spending time with his Dad. They had a unique and enduring bond. Until… The little boy developed a wasting illness, and try as the doctors could, they could not save the tiny tyke. This light of Lincoln's life grew progressively sicker, and eventually died.

     It goes without saying that the President was devastated, as was his wife. I think their grief knew no consolation during those innumerable days that followed Tadd’s passing.

     And if the truth were known, I suppose “Old Abe” found himself weeping at the most unexpected times; lunch with a senator, a trip to the theater, walking alone at sunset.

     But unlike the thousands of other parents whose male children were dying, during this dark night of our nation’s soul, Lincoln developed a curious obsession. He insisted on visiting his little lost son. (But not in the traditional sense).

     Lincoln would visit his son’s crypt, open the little casket, and spend time gazing upon the declining features of his little boy. (I kid you not.) History tells us that the president did this at least four times in the months following Tadd’s death.

     Who can understand the deep-seated emotions of a parent who has lost a child to the grim reaper? Only another parent with the same experience. I can only imagine that sort of pain.

     I have counseled parents of terminally-ill children, parents who have seen a child die as a result of a chronic disease or accident, women who have opted for abortions, only to regret it later. And there are no easy or pat answers.

     I encourage clients that they should take time to grieve, to “cut themselves some slack,” to avoid major decisions during such a time as this, to, as much as possible, stay busy with mundane tasks, and to allow others “to come along side” them.

    For time offers some comfort, and at least, partial closure. 

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 5. Vol.'s 1-15, Copyright 2015

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