Pt. 1
My daughter has struggled with the duel diagnoses of Schizophrenia and Borderline Retardation since she was about twenty. Time would fail me to describe some of the horrendous circumstances which she and I, my wife and our family have endured together.
I have seen "Megan" in the throes of psychosis, alcohol and drug dependence, and involvement in relationships in which men have used and abused her. And she has twice been committed to long term mental facilities in which she spent a total of two years.
Upon her release from the second of the two facilities, we placed Megan in an assisted living facility, as it was obvious that she would never be functional enough to live on her own. Thirty years have come and gone since she was originally diagnosed, and since then she has lived in six different care facilities in West Virginia, (while I have remained in Florida).
As you can imagine, my father's heart groans for my daughter, and I am daily filled with regrets with all the normal things my daughter might have experienced and accomplished. College, marriage, children, vocation and so many other things.
I have cried the midnight tears when only angels watched.
And, as you might imagine, two words, in particular, have crossed my mind; again and again.
"If only."
Pt. 2
Well, my friends, as we all so well know, in this life there are plenty and enough of "if only's" to go around. And, good, bad or indifferent, as I tell my clients, "There aren't any time machines."
A number of years ago something occurred to me, well, a phrase entered my mind, and which quickly found a hiding place in my heart. And I can only attribute this insightful set of eight words to God.
"Her life is as valuable as your own."
(Not unlike that guy's experience in the movie, "Field of Dreams").
And, subsequently, I heard, as it were,
"Megan's life is different than yours, but just as valuable."
And, as if to validate the foregoing insightful experience, Megan and I were talking on the phone a few years ago, and "out of the blue," she said...
(It is important to note here, while Megan has been diagnosed and has exhibited a significant mental illness, she has only relapsed 4-5 times in the past three decades. A relapse can be characterized by a re-emergence of psychotic and delusional symptoms. In each case, the manager of the group home has admitted Megan to the local hospital psychiatric ward for emotional and medicinal re-evaluation. Ninety-nine percent of the time Megan is lucid and conversational and relatively happy. From my perspective as a parent, the primary reason my daughter resides in an assisted living environment is that she has been prone to make very bad self-prescribed "medicinal" and relational choices).
But, as I was saying, Megan said,
"Dad, we all have a life."
(That we do, Megan. That we do).
However, as insightful as what I regard as God's still small voice was, when He spoke to me in one of those midnight hours, and when only angels watched, I had never shared these conclusions with Megan.
Pt. 3
All that changed last night.
As I was saying, all that changed last night.
I might mention, Megan calls me, drum roll, five days a week. Yeah, she does! The two days, well evenings, she doesn't call me are my therapy nights. (I do it. Someone else receives it).
At any rate, my daughter and I were talking about any number of things last night, including, for example, the crime show she was watching at the moment, a new resident of the group home, or the picture she colored that day in the day center she attends. (That seems to be about all they do there).
Speaking of the day center, (which Megan refers to as her "school"), she seemed to be in a bit of a funk, as she began to bemoan her fate in life...
"Dad, I cried at school today."
Of course, I responded with,
"What was there to cry about?"
Pt. 4
Megan responded.
"I was thinking about how my life ended up."
Of course, no conscientious, loving father of a child like Megan could help but choke up upon hearing words such as these.
Suddenly, I knew it was time! It was time to share my God-experience with my dear daughter.
"Megan, you know how you have told me that sometimes God speaks to your heart?"
(She acknowledged my question in the affirmative).
"Well, He speaks to me too. Oh, not where I can hear Him with my ears. But He speaks to my spirit."
(Once again Megan acknowledged my statement).
"And, one time when I was listening to Him, God told me something about you."
(You can imagine how my latest statement peaked Megan's interest)!
"Yes, indeed. A few years ago, I was thinking about you, and your life, and God said, 'Megan's life is very valuable. It is just as valuable as your own life.'"
And now, only dead silence... for what seemed like a full minute, (but it could not have been longer than three seconds).
And now, my second child responded.
"AWWWH. THANKS, DAD!"
Afterward
Our conversation was far from over.
"Megan, you know the way I have just encouraged you? One way that your life is just as valuable as mine is the place where He has you. You are surrounded by people I may never meet. I am surrounded by people that you may never meet. God tells us that we should encourage each other. One day, one of your friends there might feel kinda blue about their own life, and you can reach out to him or her. You can say something to lift their spirits or give them a little hug. Your life is valuable to God. He told me so. And He has told me that same thing many times over the years."
Once again, Megan seemed touched, as if this amazing realization had never occurred to her.
And, I think, the Creator feels very much the same way about all of us; whatever our lot in life.
God's timing is superlative. Our conversation had been for just such as time as this.
by William McDonald, PhD
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