IGUANAS

A young man in the Miami area had heard stories of people who harvested iguanas for food. After all, they were literally falling out of trees in south Florida, and many people considered their meat a delicacy.

Pedro had read that the 2-3 foot long reptiles were especially easy to catch when the temperature dropped into the 50’s; which was fairly rare for this part of Florida. However, one evening in January the mercury fell as low as he’d ever seen it in Dade County, and the young fella went into his garage and grabbed an empty foam container.

Getting into his car he drove towards a park where the iguanas were known “to hang out” in droves. As he pulled into the parking lot it seemed the little “Godzillas” were everywhere. And true to what he had read, due to the temperature they were especially sluggish; almost as if they were sleeping.

And now, Pedro got to work. In a matter of a few minutes, he had filled the foam container to the brim with the green creatures. Putting the lid on the cooler, he opened the rear door on the driver’s side, and laid the container on the seat.

He was ten or twelve miles from home at this point, and the night was coming on quickly. As Pedro navigated his way on the interstate he was thinking about how to “dispatch” the scaly things… when he heard the lid pop off the cooler.

Pedro turned on the overhead light, and looked behind him. The young man was greeted by a grizzly sight. Fifteen or twenty iguanas were scurrying around his back seat! Apparently, the warmth of the automobile heater had re-animated them.

Pt. 2

Now, the poor man slammed his foot on the brake and locked it up. The car was skidding down the road at forty miles per hour while by now several iguanas had mounted his head and shoulders! And with hardly a thought for his safety Pedro did the only reasonable thing he knew to do. He opened his car door… and bailed out!

Thankfully, the vehicle had slowed to twenty mph by now, and there were no cars behind him. He felt every bump and bruise as his body bounced along the hard pavement of the interstate. But somehow, he came to rest on the shoulder of the roadway. He had sustained several serious lacerations, a couple of broken ribs, and a slight concussion.

Pedro managed to look up after his body came to rest. He had time to see his late model sedan run off the side of a bridge; which he had been approaching when the iguanas came to life in the back seat.

It so happened that a highway patrolman was a couple hundred feet behind Pedro when the bizarre chain of events took place. And having witnessed said Pedro bail out of his car, and bounce along the roadway, as well as said vehicle go over the side of the bridge, he threw on his flashing lights, and pulled up behind the injured man.

Running up to the semi-conscious Pedro, he bent down to see what he could do to assist him.

The officer spoke.

“What in the world were you thinking, son?”

(and)

“Why would you bail out of a perfectly good automobile?”

Now, Pedro looked up, and waving slightly with his right hand, he began to explain the scenario which led to the most bizarre accident the trooper had ever witnessed in twenty-five years on the force.

Finishing his story, Pedro exclaimed,

“Evidently, the iguanas wanted my car more than I did, and I wasn’t about to argue with them!”

by William McDonald, PhD. Copyright pending