WHEN SOMEONE STEPS AWAY

As my wife and I sat in church this morning, two of our parishioners shared their personal stories of what might be characterized as “having been left behind.”

The older of the two women expressed how her husband passed away a couple of years ago, and how utterly lonely she sometimes felt. The younger of the two ladies referred to her military daughter and grandchildren, and the pain associated with them having, after a short visit, left for home.

Being left behind

I can relate. Someone very near and dear to me casually, and without notice or explanation “stepped away” three years ago, this month.

Granted, there’s any number of ways people leave family and friends behind. Sometimes it is purposeful. Sometimes it is beyond their control. While the circumstances may be different, the resulting pain is very much the same, and can be excruciating.

Jesus knew the grief and loneliness of having been left behind. When he took on flesh and dwelt among us, He and His Father were separated for a third of a century; whereas, they had communed together throughout the countless eons which preceded what must have seemed like an interminable season.

At one point, members of His outer circle deserted Him, and He so poignantly queried the others, “Will you also go away?” Then there was the final disillusionment, after His arrest, of all but one of The Twelve having momentarily stepping away. And who can forget the overwhelming grief and loneliness He endured, as He bore the sins of all mankind of all the ages, and a primal scream rose up within Him, and He shouted, “My God, My God, why has Thou forsaken me?”

Pt. 2

Whether the result of death, physical separation, betrayal or any of many other potential causes, grief and loneliness are among the most usual of outcomes, and not easily overcome.

However, given both my experiential and professional levels, (as I am a counselor) I understand the imperative of transcending what I perceive to be the two most likely of symptoms with which we have been left; after people, in one way or another have left us behind.

And perhaps as much from personal experience, as from my professional training, I have discovered ways and means whereby the grief and loneliness of having been left behind can be successfully navigated.

*I think it is imperative that we shun the tendency to behave like nothing of any import has transpired in our lives. Ignoring grief and loneliness does not serve to make these emotions any less real. And if such symptoms are not initially acknowledged, and addressed, any number of physical, emotional, and psychological maladies may result.

*The recognition that while time does not heal all wounds, it is a variable through which we must pass; in order to properly transcend those dark emotions which overwhelm us and limit our function.

*There is the wisdom of allowing friends and family into our lives when everything within us screams to be left alone with our dark emotions. As a counselor, I have often encouraged my clients that, “Anything good and worthwhile must be done ‘on purpose’ (and) Only wrecks happen by accident.”

*Speaking of doing what we do on purpose, I think it is imperative that we busy ourselves with those activities to which we have previously devoted our time; including exercise and recreation.

Pt. 3

*And then there is the imperative of rest. Obsessive thought patterns and a tendency to brood over the loss can overwhelm our ability to relax, and disrupt our sleep patterns. A doctor may prescribe a short term medication for symptoms of anxiety or depression, or an inability to sleep.

*Sometimes we need a ‘professional friend.’ If and when the loss of a relationship seems impossible to navigate, and time has failed to assuage the symptoms of grief and loneliness, the presence of a counselor may be the order of the day.

*The realization that you’ve managed before and you’ll manage again. Our Creator has built a resilience into mankind which has allowed men and women to overcome horrendous adversity; and having overcome, to assist others who are in the throes of the kind of things which we, ourselves, have previously experienced.

*And last, (but not least) our identification with the Lord Jesus Christ. My favorite passage of scripture is found in the New Testament Book of Hebrews.

“We have not a high priest who cannot be touched by the feelings of our infirmities for He was in all ways tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Let us come boldly to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy for our failures, and grace to help in the time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16)

Our Savior experienced the depths of grief and loneliness which are impossible for us to comprehend. And having ‘been there,’ He, as the God-man, is able to come along side those who are experiencing what to Him is all too familiar.

As the result of the substitutionary death of Christ on the cross, we have been adopted into the family of God, and are privileged to bring our needs to Him.

by William McDonald, PhD. Copyright pending

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