They Called Her Mother

It is said that during the second half of her life Mother Teresa of Calcutta, the Catholic nun who founded the Missionaries of Charity organization, experienced what she described to confessors as a dearth of God’s presence, and even questioned the existence of the Divine.

In letters to closest confidants she admitted what she thought of as her hypocrisy; that of putting on a public smile like a cheap mask, and using pious words which so often inferred her faith in the mercies and provision of the Savior. She came to regard her prayers as rote exercises in which the same words were repeated; without any expectation that they were heard. Whereas she publically lauded an individual for their spirituality, she privately questioned her own. She suffered more than her share of doubt, depression and despair.

… While making a profound difference in the lives of thousands.

I think the majority of Christians have struggled with some of these same emotions. Some more than others, and for a longer period of time. And perhaps there are some like Mother Teresa who wrap themselves in a sort of outer cocoon which belies what they are feeling; except to those closest to them.

Like Mother Teresa, (and I admit no comparison) I have struggled in my desire to “feel” God’s presence. And whereas others have enjoyed some seemingly mystic connection with the Creator, more times than not, I have not. My prayers have often been uttered from a sense of duty, more than devotion, and His response, if any was to be had, has come back flat, or more often, mute.

And yet, two verses in all of scripture have succoured me most, and longest.

“We have not a high priest who cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities, but was in all points tempted like as we are; yet without sin.

Let us come boldly to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy for our failures, and grace to help in the time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16)

I like to think that these same verses offered Mother Teresa of Calcutta a bit of encouragement in her darkest moments, and provided just enough wherewithal to live in anticipation of a day when she would no longer struggle for some emotion, or proof, or reason for the existence of God, and the unselfish love she bestowed on those who could only repay her with their sad smiles.

What joy our dear sister must have realized when she passed from this life into the next, and found herself in the presence of Him whose shadow had thus far alluded her,

… and in whose presence her doubts will be allayed for daily looking into His face.

 

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 6