It's Not Easy to be Boss

     It’s hard to be boss.

     I have rarely felt threatened in terms of my counseling vocation… ‘til recently. I was counseling a drug abuser and his wife. Though “Paul” claimed to be “clean” for nigh on a month, I didn’t believe him. His wife is a classic codependent, and allows him to come and go at a whim, though he is currently living in the family truck.

    It was my second session with the couple, and they’d been given an “in-class” assignment to verbalize their expectations of one another. Of course, I began with a disclaimer that sounded something like

 

    “Paul and Jessica, I want you to open up the mind-gate to your spouse, and stay silent until they finish speaking.”

 

    It was a good theory, anyway.

    Before Jessica progressed too far, Paul butted in, and continued to rant, yell, and generally make an Ass (well, he did) of himself. It was pure “blame-game,” and Jessica wavered between believing, and discounting what she was hearing.

   Well, I couldn’t just sit there, and I began to “encourage” Paul about his own shortcomings, his failure to take responsibility, his chronic use of “stuff,” and his outrageous behavior patterns.

    That may have been the hardest session I’ve ever handled. The height of the battle came when I suggested the couple remain apart for awhile; (“til you are able to learn and use new and better communication, and relational skills)." Well, it’s an understatement to say that my guidance “went over like a lead balloon.”

 

    Paul was a big man, and a seasoned ex-convict. His arms rippled with muscles and veins that had to have come right out of the prison weight-lifting yard. He began to rail about me “being on her side,” and “giving her the ammunition she needs.” And I began to feel very threatened, if not for life, then for limb.

    Well, the session was over, as far as I was concerned. I could not deal with this man, and he wasn’t ready to be dealt with. I asked him to leave. And thankfully for me, he did.

 

     No, it's not easy to be Boss. There's just so much to handle, confront and address.

 

     I had to ask one man to leave our addictions group recently. He lived in the past, and verbalized the past, and recounted the past to everyone who would listen. He constantly interjected himself during group meetings, and generally "drove me to distraction." There was no choice but to ask him to minus himself permanently from the group.

     My leaders and I have had to deal with suicide threats, and we’ve handled 2AM phone calls from “relapsers.” We’ve struggled with codependent family members who having made good progress, suddenly slipped into the same old negative patterns of behavior. I’ve “gone to bat” for a client or group member, only to discover I’ve been lied to. FUN AND GAMES.

     It’s not always fun to be Boss, but somebody’s got to do it. I’m glad it has it’s rewards, for I have to admit it’s usually more games than fun.

     But I am hopeful enough to believe that the fun will start again soon.

 

By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "Unconventional Devotions" Copyright 2005