A
woman has decided to "come out" as a dog.
I
just received this breaking news report out of Boulder, Colorado, submitted by
J. B. Bernstein:
A
34 year-old female has redefined coming out of the closet. People
Magazine announced it will feature her story in their upcoming August issue
highlighting her honesty and courage.
Sandra
Jones tells it this way:
Growing
up, I knew there was something different about me. My parents noticed it. My
aunts and uncles noticed it, and my teachers were very concerned about my
behavior.
As
a toddler I had zero motivation to walk like other kids but crawled on all
fours until I was a tween, when my parents gave me no choice.
It
was at the tender age of 7 that I finally understood why I panted deeply and
rapidly with my tongue hanging out of my mouth. At first the doctors thought I
had COPD but my lungs were normal and I never had a breathing problem. They,
like many professionals, were puzzled.
As
I grew from a toddler to a young child, I refused to eat with regular utensils
yet found it natural to eat and drink from a bowl. My understanding mom would
place my food and beverage in two separate bowls next to each other on the
floor under the kitchen table.
During
family meals I ate on all fours while my siblings ate sitting on chairs at the
table above. Ever since I remember I would gobble up whatever dropped from
their plates. In time, they purposely dropped whatever they didn't like and I
would eat it. Trust me, I have had my share of liver and spinach.
In
school I often found myself in the principal's office for sniffing other kids'
butts and at the age of 12 it dawned on me I was a dog trapped in a human
female body!
As
I think back, my folks were so understanding because as I became older, when I
refused to sit on the toilet, I would feel deeply loved as my folks cleaned up
after me with a pooper scooper until I was old enough to leave home.
I
have come out in the open because I no longer want to live a lie. I am tired of
being mocked and drawing attention to myself when I drool and get excited at
the sight of milk bones and dog biscuits in the pet isle at the Acme.
And
when I finally was forced to walk with two legs you cannot imagine how
embarrassed I was when my friends would laugh hysterically as I would stop at
almost every tree, sniff around and relieve myself at the tree of my choice on
the way to school every day. To me this was natural.
My
goal in coming out is to make it easier for others in the future to also come
out of the closet, or as the cruel, biased right-wing media has been fond of
saying, the dog house.
I
have always been a very caring and extremely affectionate person. I enjoy
licking people no matter what color or sex they are and I am no longer willing
to hold back.
And
I will no longer be offended at anyone who calls me the "B" word.
This is who I am.
Sandra
is changing her name to Scruffy, has been undergoing canine hormone therapy
over the past two years and is proud to show off the beginnings of a new
tail.
She
is being awarded the coveted Arthur Ashe Award for courage and loyalty. An
overwhelming number of her classmates and neighbors admit Scruffy was and
remains their best friend.
Scruffy
will be an honored guest when she is presented with the Ashe Award at the
upcoming Snoop Dogg concert, her favorite performer, at his sold-out
performance this September at Madison Square Garden.
She
said, "I think it is about time 'all of God's creatures' are free to be
who they truly are without fearing what people think.
"I
just want to bite those who say God would never create someone in a wrong human
body or in the body of the wrong species, as in my case.
"These
things are happening everywhere and I am honored to be a pioneer to pave the
way for those who will come after me. I really think I deserve a treat, not the
scorn and abuse of those who refuse to understand."
Sandra
is not without a sense of humor as she told us, "I am so dog-gone tired of
all this negative coverage, I can just howl!"
Scruffy
filed suit in New York district court on Monday against several right-wing news
organizations claiming they have defrauded and violated her constitutional
rights by their biased reporting.
The
ASPCA and the ACLU both have announced they would cover all her attorney fees and
court costs.
CNN's
Wolf Blitzer will host a special on Jones. Blitzer is just howling about the
lack of fairness and understanding the conservative media and their proponents
have shown toward those who feel they are "just not in the right
body."
Bill
O'Reilly of Fox
News, has, in his talking points, recently called Jones, "one sick
puppy", while Sean Hannity will be airing a program in late July entitled,
"Who Let the Dogs Out?"
Jones
is thrilled at the kindness CNN has shown toward her. "I am big on loyalty
so I love CNN. I am really tired of the right trying to put a leash on me. I
will speak when asked and I refuse to be muzzled any longer!"
Scruffy
as part of her law suit against Fox News is saying the network has
forfeited its right to use the word "Fox" in its name because of the
network's demeaning treatment toward her. "The fox is such a close
relative of the dog. It is abhorrent the network continues to use the term
'Fox' to describe itself."
Greta
Van Susteren said that, despite the law suit and her allegiance to Fox, she
will be proactive in any case to make sure Scruffy is not chained by any of her
adversaries.
Jones
is already signed with a major Hollywood studio for rights to a full length
movie about her life, which will aptly be called It's a Dog's Life.
MGM
has been speaking to Pitt Bull as well as Snoop Dogg about a starring role as
Scruffy's dad.
There
have been rumors Metro Goldwyn Mayer will be forced by the courts to use a
howling dog to replace its familiar roaring lion before the start of this
feature film. "Why not give other animals the same opportunity as the
lion?" asks Jones.
The
president of MGM, when asked about this historic substitution, simply shrugged
his shoulders and said, "What can I do, the world is going to the
dogs."
If
you haven't figured it out by now, this is a spoof, a satire, and it is not
meant to mock the suffering experienced by those who identify as trans (or
other). It is simply a reminder that perception is not reality. (The piece was,
in fact, written by J.B. Bernstein, who can be reached at goz@mail2go.net .)
It
is also a cautionary tale, since there are people who truly believe they are
partly (or entirely) animals, as I document in my forthcoming book Outlasting the Gay Revolution: Where
Homosexual Activism Is Really Going and How to Turn the Tide.
They actually claim to number in the hundreds of thousands. May God truly help
them, along with all others whose perception of reality differs from reality
itself.
Michael Brown is
the author of 25 books, including Can You Be Gay and Christian? and
host of the nationally syndicated talk radio show "The
Line of Fire." He is also president of FIRE
School of Ministry and director of the Coalition of
Conscience.
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