THE DILL PICKLE CONSPIRACY

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Recently I was at Dollar Tree, and noticed they had just what I was looking for that I wasn't looking for in their cooler unit.

Right there in front of me was a selection of Jimmy Dean sausage, egg and cheese croissants. I eat them all the time. However, prior to this, I had purchased my croissants at Aldi's. Noticing the price, ($1.25 each) I realized they were comparable to Aldi's, though they appeared to be slightly smaller. I decided to try them. I purchased a couple.

The next morning, I threw one in the microwave, touched 2 minutes, and cut the unit off after 1 minute, 18 seconds (my preferred cooking time for all my croissants). I was out of pickles, but I retrieved my breakfast, and lavished the croissant with mustard, the only other additive I historically use on this particular food product.

I bit into the croissant and discovered it tasted better than those I had bought at Aldi's, except for my lack of dill pickles, of course. I decided to remedy this situation the next day, as I needed to restock a few things anyway. Driving up to Aldi's, I walked to the second aisle, rear and look at I may, there wasn't a run of the mill dill to be found. Oh, there were kosher dills, bread and butter pickles (whatever that is), and one or two other non-descript pickles. I figured they were just out of them.

I continued to eat my Jimmy Dean croissants without pickles for the next couple of days 'til I decided it was just about time for a Pizza Hut Supreme, thick crust, Pan Pizza. I placed my order, and in the 10-15 minutes before it was due to be piping hot, and ready to eat I drove over to the nearby Publix Supermarket. Walking to the third aisle, rear I found... roughly the same selection of pickles which the previous grocery store offered. Not a run of the mill dill to be had!

Now I began to think there was a conspiracy. Perhaps someone had decided to do the unthinkable... deny me my opportunity for culinary pleasure by rounding up all the dill pickles in the central Florida area! 

The Run of the Mill Dill Conspiracy

Yep. No doubt about it. For the briefest few seconds, I was sure of it...

And then I thought...

Nah

There's the "There was a bomb in the World Trade Centers" conspiracy, and there was the "Mr. Rogers was once a Navy Seal" conspiracy, and there is a "Stolen U.S. Presidential Election" conspiracy, but a "Run of the Mill Dill" conspiracy?

That is just simply too far fetched to believe!

Afterward

I found a jar of dill pickles at Dollar General today. So much for my conspiracy theories.

by Bill McDonald, PhD