My Left Leg

It seems I have a vendetta against one of my legs.

My right leg

It all began back in the ‘60’s. My father and a good friend of his had been fishing the past few hours, and had just returned. Among the other fish he’d caught that morning was a 12 pound bass. Well, I was so excited about this development that I neglected to

…open the sliding glass door which separated me from my momentary interest.

Readers, I literally ran through it!

…Leaving an ugly gash on my right calf.

Fast Forward

During my two decades at United Parcel Service I stepped off the bottom step of my UPS vehicle, well, over a hundred times a day. Left leg up. Right leg down.

…(Left leg up. Right leg down. Left leg up. Right leg down).

And it almost goes without saying that this constant abuse had a lasting impact.

And upon setting my (right) foot on the ground a hundred times a day, I twisted my (right) ankle a couple of times a year; doing significant damage to my, well, (right) ankle and (right) knee.

Ultimately, as I neared the end of my tenure at UPS, I developed a bulging varicose vein on my right calf; which at this writing still exists.

Fast Forward

A few years ago I set a straight ladder against a round basketball pole. My agenda? To snip a few oak limbs which hung over my (concrete) driveway.

As I reached the 4^th or 5^th rung, the ladder began to shift and I was, unhappily, provided a momentary choice relating to exactly

…how I would fall.

And thus, as gravity bore me irresistibly towards my unhappy fate, I positioned myself so that I would land feet first. At this point need I mention that my (right) foot touched down a millisecond before my left?

(Well, it did).

And thus, as (right) foot discovered it’s rather (un)sure footing on the unforgiving surface, my (right) ankle was immediately converted into white powder. The subsequent injury required major surgery; at which time a metal plate and screws were installed. Can you say, ‘Bionic Man?’

In the aftermath of the surgery, I was given the gift of an itchy, hot florescent yellow cast.

A few days later as I limped on crutches, in and about the four walls of my house, my wife queried,

“Royce, what is that dark spot above the top of your cast? I don’t remember seeing that before.”

And upon closer examination, lo and behold, half way up my (right) calf she discovered an irregular, almost black mole shaped …like a valentine. But I can assure you, it was no valentine. Far from it.

…Melanoma

And as you might well imagine, I was forced to submit to major surgery (again) which resulted in

…the loss of approximately one-fourth of my (right) calf.

I can tell you that when I finally removed the bandages tears sprang to my eyes.

Did I mention that over the past four years I have made a habit of pedaling 10-20 miles a day?

(Well, I have and I do).

All in all during the course of my 11,270 accumulated miles I have maintained a rather impressive safety record. For you see, in the midst of over 1000 10 mile treks, I have sustained only two serious falls. With the emphasis on ‘serious.’

The first scenario involved a small dog and a collision. You’ve heard of Newton’s 3^rd Law? (“For each action there is an equal and opposite reaction?”) Well, I think he was on to something! Having slammed into a mass of canine flesh, I sailed over the handlebars, and landed rudely on the asphalt;

…breaking my (left) arm. (Left side this time, folks).

Fast Forward

Eight or ten weeks ago, having just purchased a (faster) bicycle, I caught the ‘lip’ of a curb, and (you guessed it) Newton’s 3rd Law kicked in again. I sailed over the handlebars of my newer, faster bike and spread eagled on the sidewalk;

…landing on my chin, hands and left and (right) knees.

Did I say (‘right) knee?’

(Yep. I think I did).

As a result of this unfortunate accident, I sustained some significant damage which was not readily apparent for several weeks. As it ‘fell’ together, after about three weeks my (right) knee began to fill with fluid. So much so that I reported to a nearby urgent care clinic, and the doctor aspirated the thing; draining about 5 tablespoons of bloody liquid. A week later I darkened the clinic’s doors again for a ‘do over.’ At this point, the doctor recommended I have an MRI.

The MRI indicated a badly torn meniscus ligament, at which point I was provided an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. ‘Long story short’ the physician made me aware that I had not only experienced a torn ligament, but that there was cartilage missing between the bones of the knee, and arthritis was present; all three conditions having accumulated over a significant amount of time. A couple of weeks after my appointment, my (right) knee cap has assumed a different shape, and I still experience some swelling. At this writing, ‘the jury is still out’ in regard to the necessity or desirability of surgery.

It goes without saying that, at this point, my (right) leg is a ‘piece of work.’

My wife once said something long since forgotten to my mother to which she subsequently responded,

“It doesn’t take much to amaze you.”

Well, were she alive I think my mother could not resist saying the same thing to me, my friends. The number of incidents and the amount of damage I have sustained to my (right) knee simply …amazes me!

In my interaction with my counseling clients, family and friends I have often conjectured that “everything about everything cannot be found in the holy scriptures.” I mean, there’s nothing in the 66 books of the Old and New Testaments related to baking an apple pie, nor is there anything there about welding the frame of an automobile.

Surprisingly enough, however, I believe I’ve found a reference to the issue involving my (right) knee vs. my apparently healthy (left) knee.

…1^st Corinthians 12:22-23 – (right)

…1^st Corinthians 12:24 – (left)

Nope. They’ll be no cheating here.

Grab that dusty old Bible on top of your china cabinet, and look it up.


By William McDonald, PhD. Excerpt from "(Mc)Donald's Daily Diary" Vol. 39, Copyright pending

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