I have previously written a couple of “Dear Diary”
entries which were more specific, in terms of the scenario which I am about to
once again embark, at least in terms of the causation of my singular experience;
thus I will avoid that specificity this time around. It is enough that I
generalize reasons, and, for the sake of my reader’s potential quandaries, (and
not my own) focus on a different aspect of the mix.
At any rate, in the past year I experienced something
which left me absolutely horrified, mystified, and which has never yet been
clarified. (You didn’t know there were so many words which ended with that
suffix, did you)?
And in relation to the previous scenario, the emotions
it instilled in me, and my only partial success in “laying it all down,” it
seems good to me to invoke one common factor which, I believe, caused everything
to fall into place like the proverbial puzzle.
...People’s opinions,
and their copious, “fall all over themselves”
willingness to provide what they construed as guidance.
As a counselor I have seen how vulnerable,
impressionable people orient towards others for guidance, and I’m all too aware
how some will “doctor shop” until they stumble on an opinion which sounds the
most like their own, (or) who will go with the majority opinion, and will “chalk
that up” to sound guidance.
But even counselors struggle with the affairs of life,
and, like everyone else who lives and breathes and moves, they sometimes find
themselves caught up in a web of events and emotions; not of their own making.
There is an old adage which reflects on a bit of sage
advice. The implication is that we should listen in decibels, and speak in
whispers. (My paraphrase). And even as a counselor, I think that’s good advice.
How then are we to navigate this circuitous situation;
for at one time or another we will all encounter relatives, friends and
acquaintances who seek out our advice.
My guidance to you, (oops, it seems I’m doing it
myself) is to:
1. As
that old adage implies, always be ready with a listening ear. One of the
hallmarks of a true friend is a willingness to listen
2. Assume
you are only hearing one side of the matter; for in many, and perhaps most
cases you can’t begin to understand the other person’s side of the story
3. Because
of, (and not in spite of) your biased and edited knowledge, and though you may
be “joined at the hip” with that individual to whom you are providing guidance,
attempt to assume an unbiased attitude towards the scenario which he or she
presents to you
4. Don’t
be too quick to respond. Withhold your opinion until you have time to mull it
over in your mind, and even, (God forbid) “pray about it.” (Yes, I’m an
advocate of prayer). And when possible, attempt to glean more information about
the matter which “knocked on your door.”
5. When
the lives of people hang in the balance, and you find yourself “sitting in the
seat of judgment,” remind yourself of the responsibility which rests on your
shoulders. In all likelihood a weighty scenario, and the presence of two or
more persons in the mix will contribute to some significant and long lasting
results and recurring emotions.
6. Be
ready to say, “I honestly don’t know,” (and/or) “Have you enlisted the aid of a
wise and trusted counselor, (who has a good track record)?”
Now, in all of this I’m not referring to something so
insignificant as what type of wine goes best with lasagna, or whether one
should take up hang gliding instead of rock climbing, (granted, both are
dangerous sports). But my persuasion is, whether formal or informal counselors,
structured or spontaneous, ongoing or momentary, we have an obligation to ourselves,
and to those whom we give guidance, to call into account the seriousness of
giving guidance to another human being, and take into account the foregoing
recommendations.
What we may consider a paltry bit of guidance can bear
some pretty consequential fruit, and have a significant impact on the lives,
and emotions of those whom we hold dear, and some whom we may never meet.
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