A FEW MEMORIES RELATING TO MY LATE RELATIVES & OTHER MISCELLANEOUS PEOPLE

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**My mother in law was a quiet person. However, we she felt strongly about something, she spoke up every time. And, she was the master of witty, (though always non-abrasive) remarks.

One day she received a spam call from the local Arthur Murray Studio. The lady on the other end of the line began her "pitch."

"Hello, Mrs. Vaughn. I have a wonderful offer for you today. We can give you three dance lessons at half price!"

To which my mother in law responded,

"Uhmmm, I'm sorry, Honey... I only have one leg!"

The disembodied voice of the solicitor was caught off guard. A few seconds later, she said,

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ma'am. Thank you for your time."

(Click)

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**Shortly before my father went on to his reward, he was hospitalized after a major stroke.

During the couple of weeks that he was in the hospital various tests were performed, and some initial rehab was begun.

One day my father, mother, and I were meeting with the speech therapist. And totally "out of the blue," my dad, looking directly at the female therapist, said,

"Honey, I want you to come see me when I get out of here! I'll show you a real good time!"

(Oh me)

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My wife's former sister in law, and her daughter stopped by to see us one day.

It so happened that our hallway toilet wasn't working properly, and we have taped the lid down. Shortly after they arrived, the little girl walked into the bathroom to answer "the call of nature," and she couldn't lift the toilet lid.

Now, she walked back into the living room with a puzzled look on her face, and exclaimed...

"Ya'll don't pee?"

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Today, I was driving home from a visit to the pet supply store, and my cell phone rang. Thinking it was my wife, I answered,

"Hello?"

Too late I realized it was a solicitor.

"Sir, I want to offer you a fabulous medical alert resource."

Without taking a breath, she continued.

"Could you tell me how old you are?"

Evidently, I momentarily "channeled" my mother's in-law's wit.

I responded.

"I'm old as dirt. But, I'm not interested! Thank you."

(Click)

by Bill McDonald, PhD